Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Guilty Filthy Soul

Driving down lake road. I'm speeding. You're lying. I can feel your eyes on me even though you're ahead of me. Anxiety is racing through me, only now it's pure fear. There's nothing romantic about this crazy that consumes me. I can feel your eyes burning a hole into me.

There's blood on my lip when I come to. It's pitch black and I'm in bed. The first thing I recognize is the taste of my blood followed by a  heaviness on my chest. You whisper so lightly I can't make out what you are saying. Your weight is on me and I can barely breathe.

This is love. Do you know how I know? Because if you didn't love me, you wouldn't try to control me.

It's a long day of meetings and they haven't even begun yet. I'm freezing but sweat is forming under my bangs. I'm walking as fast as I can in heels without it being considered running. My pocket is buzzing. You are fuming. I have ruined your day again. You're favorite shoes on my feet.

My wrist is bleeding through my sweater. No one is noticing, at least they aren't saying anything if they do. I slide my arm under the table. You slam the door open and I get up to stop you. 93 pounds is nothing until it hits the wood floor.

This is love. Do you know how I know? Because you only get mad out of fear. I may find someone better if I make new friends.

It's my day and I ruined it. The same present you got me I already received. I'm sorry I hurt you by accepting it. I don't understand why I torture you either.

When the neighbor knocks on the door, you are already gone and
I'm cleaned up. The sun is peaking through my blinds. My phone is buzzing. You want to know what I decided to wear today.

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